Yesterday, I discovered my latest nemesis: tables that face each other.
I like to watch people. I know that sounds creepy, and it probably should, but it usually isn't with any sort of prurient interest. I just like to see what's happening in other people's lives and pretending to be a part of it. This is usually something I get away with, since I am very well trained at avoiding eye contact (I am a master of the "look over your shoulder at someone but pretend you're actually looking for your lost child" move), but it is impossible to avoid eye contact when you are sitting at a restaurant table facing someone directly across from you.
Making accidental eye contact in this situation at least once is to be expected, but you know you've screwed up when he turns his head a full 90 degrees after he's caught you looking at him for the fifth time... to look at his wife... who is there with their kid.
It's undeniably best to just brush a situation like this off and pretend like it never happened, but I have this insatiable impulse to go over and say something to someone when I've done something that made them feel awkward. What the hell do you say to the patriarch of a happy family of three after you've been caught staring five times? It would come out something like this:
"Hey... uhh... I know you caught me staring at you a couple... I mean, I wasn't staring at you on purpose, it was totally accidental... I wouldn't stare at you on purp--I mean, I totally would stare at you on purpose if I had the choice since you are a pretty attractiv--I mean, uhh... Your kid is super cute! Bye!"
And their chicken hibachi dinner at the Fuji Grill is completely ruined by some creepy kid who just totally hit on someone who's old enough to be his father.
Have you ever been caught staring in a really awkward way? Is staring at someone considered harassment? ...Do you know the number of a really good lawyer? Let me know.
